my name's zoe lee (:
currently studying business economics and finance in NOTTINGham.
i'm 21! goin' on the big TWO-TWO :D
and i'm from kuching!
I think I am pretty normal for a nineteen year old. I fall down a lot, laugh a lot, hide a lot of things from people and all those other things.
What about you?
Psalm 23 ♥
oh.so.Perez
fwishy-chan
kryz n cow!
euNICE
LOVElyn
charmzz
mable/mushie
xia xue
kenny sia
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gabby
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ah yan
Tracieeee
joo :P
Jasmine
yann yi/KAKAK (:
licia :D
kathie <3
Chen Chen
timmy voon
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Jasmine
anisSa
wafflee
jia yingg
DIandra
ashLEy LEE
fausTINE
ziannerr
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fIOn
VANessa
sarah!!
sammy sii
zoe n mel
lieezaaa(:
lyssa
Reening
NANA
anastasia
Yan HUI
bryan (:
fwishy-chan
kryz n cow!
euNICE
LOVElyn
charmzz
mable/mushie
xia xue
kenny sia
sammy aw :D
Char bonggg
gabby
Nicole
ah yan
Tracieeee
joo :P
Jasmine
yann yi/KAKAK (:
licia :D
kathie <3
Chen Chen
timmy voon
chickenJoey
Jasmine
anisSa
wafflee
jia yingg
DIandra
ashLEy LEE
fausTINE
ziannerr
Jolina
fIOn
VANessa
sarah!!
sammy sii
zoe n mel
lieezaaa(:
lyssa
Reening
NANA
anastasia
Yan HUI
bryan (:
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Bituwin -
template
Dementee -
image
put ur dingdong in the ayer
-Hui Na
If you HATE me then God bless you (:
Saturday, June 26, 2010
results
SHIT.
exam results are coming out some time next week and I'm worried as hell here. I know I shouldn't be and that I should trust God but, it's just so hard for me to think straight at the moment. For one, I know I did not do well AT ALL in this exam because I was too caught up with the pageant.
If you think I am blaming the pageant then you're wrong. I am blaming myself for EVERYTHING. For no reasoning with my mom when I could. I don't regret joining the pageant. I've learn so many important life lessons from this pageant. It's just that I know that I could have done so much better but I couldn't cause I had too many things to do.
ARGH. This is just so depressing. I hope I won't fail any subjects. I must MUST try harder during my 1st year, 2nd and 3rd year. I must get Honors. I MUST.
Lord,
I don't doubt You. It's just that I'm really angry at myself. If I HAD given this exam my all, I wouldn't be in such a situation anymore. Lord, help me. It seems like You're so far away. I want to feel You move in my life again, to see You face to face, like how You showed yourself to Jacob. I love You, Lord. I want you to WORK and CHANGE my life. Use me and take me as I am to do all Your work.
Thank You for being my God.
love,
zoe.
God bless y'all!
exam results are coming out some time next week and I'm worried as hell here. I know I shouldn't be and that I should trust God but, it's just so hard for me to think straight at the moment. For one, I know I did not do well AT ALL in this exam because I was too caught up with the pageant.
If you think I am blaming the pageant then you're wrong. I am blaming myself for EVERYTHING. For no reasoning with my mom when I could. I don't regret joining the pageant. I've learn so many important life lessons from this pageant. It's just that I know that I could have done so much better but I couldn't cause I had too many things to do.
ARGH. This is just so depressing. I hope I won't fail any subjects. I must MUST try harder during my 1st year, 2nd and 3rd year. I must get Honors. I MUST.
Lord,
I don't doubt You. It's just that I'm really angry at myself. If I HAD given this exam my all, I wouldn't be in such a situation anymore. Lord, help me. It seems like You're so far away. I want to feel You move in my life again, to see You face to face, like how You showed yourself to Jacob. I love You, Lord. I want you to WORK and CHANGE my life. Use me and take me as I am to do all Your work.
Thank You for being my God.
love,
zoe.
God bless y'all!
Sunday, June 20, 2010
contradictions
Have you ever felt like there's something wrong but you're unable to pin point what that something is? Well, whatever it is, it's definitely not a foreign feeling to me.
"You're just thinking too much" or "It's just insecurities", they say.
What if I'm not thinking too much? What if it's a sign that something is about to fall apart? That something has gone terribly wrong and it's a sign for me to let go?
Have you ever thought about things that way before?
As much as I want it to work out, I can't deny the fact that MAYBE, just maybe, one day, everything that I've put my heart and soul into will just fall apart, like a tower of cards.
Although no one can ever guarantee that it will never happen, no one can assure me that when it does happen, I will be able to get back on my own two feet and move on with life.
The uncertainties in life scares me, yet it's the very thing that makes life interesting.
So tell me, what should I do now?
God bless.
love,
zoe
"You're just thinking too much" or "It's just insecurities", they say.
What if I'm not thinking too much? What if it's a sign that something is about to fall apart? That something has gone terribly wrong and it's a sign for me to let go?
Have you ever thought about things that way before?
As much as I want it to work out, I can't deny the fact that MAYBE, just maybe, one day, everything that I've put my heart and soul into will just fall apart, like a tower of cards.
Although no one can ever guarantee that it will never happen, no one can assure me that when it does happen, I will be able to get back on my own two feet and move on with life.
The uncertainties in life scares me, yet it's the very thing that makes life interesting.
So tell me, what should I do now?
God bless.
love,
zoe
Monday, June 14, 2010
I just realized how shallow and empty my life is.
FML.
FML.
superficial
Just having one of those days where you feel like your life sucks so bad, you wish you weren't born, AT ALL.
I honestly think that I need something to fill up all these free time that I have.
I need...
A JOB.
and a life.
I am currently angry at my mom and bro for leaving me at gramma's place this morning ): I know it wasn't their fault but I'm still pretty sour faced about it cause, well, I'm a lousy person. That's why.
I keep telling myself to grow up and think like an adult but I can't. I'm still doing the same stupid things I used to do two years ago. Sometimes I wonder if I'm suffering from some sort of defect.
Today I woke up feeling like I weigh a ton. I've never felt that way, well, in ages. It sucks to the max cause I have no idea how I'm supposed to overcome this feeling. Darn it. I'm on the brink of becoming anorexic again :/
Today. Today. Today.
Something's wrong with me and I know it.
Stop telling me it's nothing.
You're not me.
So stop judging.
If life was fair,
then why is there suffering?
Why do I feel so suffocated,
so empty inside?
off to read failbook and cracked in hopes to brighten up my day :D
God bless!
I honestly think that I need something to fill up all these free time that I have.
I need...
A JOB.
and a life.
I am currently angry at my mom and bro for leaving me at gramma's place this morning ): I know it wasn't their fault but I'm still pretty sour faced about it cause, well, I'm a lousy person. That's why.
I keep telling myself to grow up and think like an adult but I can't. I'm still doing the same stupid things I used to do two years ago. Sometimes I wonder if I'm suffering from some sort of defect.
Today I woke up feeling like I weigh a ton. I've never felt that way, well, in ages. It sucks to the max cause I have no idea how I'm supposed to overcome this feeling. Darn it. I'm on the brink of becoming anorexic again :/
Today. Today. Today.
Something's wrong with me and I know it.
Stop telling me it's nothing.
You're not me.
So stop judging.
If life was fair,
then why is there suffering?
Why do I feel so suffocated,
so empty inside?
off to read failbook and cracked in hopes to brighten up my day :D
God bless!
Friday, June 11, 2010
Dear Gramma,
I heard you crying last night and it hurt. I really want to help you but I don't know how. It's frustrating to see you weak like that. You were never like that! What happened while I was gone? What made you so dependent? Why have you lost the strength to fight for your life? Why won't you even walk anymore? Why? I miss the old gramma who used to do Tai Chi and who always scolded me for all the noise that I made. Most importantly, I miss scarring you, gramma. I really do )': Please, please get better. I still want to tell you about my boyfriend and let you meet him. He's a really nice and sweet guy. gramma. He treats me well. Maybe one day I'll even get married to him. I don't know. But I really want you to be there when that happens. Please stay strong, gramma. It kills me every single time you whine and sigh about life. I love you, gramma. Please stay alive.
Love,
your granddaughter.
I heard you crying last night and it hurt. I really want to help you but I don't know how. It's frustrating to see you weak like that. You were never like that! What happened while I was gone? What made you so dependent? Why have you lost the strength to fight for your life? Why won't you even walk anymore? Why? I miss the old gramma who used to do Tai Chi and who always scolded me for all the noise that I made. Most importantly, I miss scarring you, gramma. I really do )': Please, please get better. I still want to tell you about my boyfriend and let you meet him. He's a really nice and sweet guy. gramma. He treats me well. Maybe one day I'll even get married to him. I don't know. But I really want you to be there when that happens. Please stay strong, gramma. It kills me every single time you whine and sigh about life. I love you, gramma. Please stay alive.
Love,
your granddaughter.
Wednesday, June 09, 2010
airplanes.
Can we pretend that airplanes
In the night sky
Are like shooting stars
I could really use a wish right now.
Currently blogging on the roof of my house. It's a wonder how I managed to climb all the way up here with my laptop without accidentally dropping it and hurting myself in the process.
Yes, roof time= masa untuk meluahkan ke-emo-an and kesedihan yang terperangkap dalam hati.
I love you, Alvin Chia.
I truly do, and no one can ever take that away.
Sometimes, I worry that you might not feel the same way.
I don't deserve someone like you.
I hate the fact that I am such a sucker when it comes to love.
I hate the fact that I care so much when I don't want to.
I hate the fact that my mind somehow always remembers everything that YOU did no matter how hard I try to push it aside.
I hate the fact that YOUR PICTURE continuously appears on my facebook news feed when I'm upset.
YOU made me cry; and YOU still do, even harder when I'm upset.
I hate the fact that I can't get over the hurt that you brought into my life, no matter how hard I try.
It's annoying how I'm always lying to myself, telling myself that everything is okay when it's not.
I feel so useless.
and NO, i do not want to cut myself.
I just happen to like that picture.
Cause it reminds me of who I used to be, and the things YOU made me do to myself.
I was young and naive and you used that against me.
YOU manipulated me.
ass.
I pray that someday God will take this hatred and pain away from me.
God bless.
Saturday, June 05, 2010
cacing kepanasan
BOO.
I'm down with the common cold ): and I've lost all my appetite to eat.
Momma's been force feeding me lately, which is funny cause she's the reason behind my everyday appearance at the gym.
and, I just found out how selfish I used to be back when I was with my exes.
Yesh, I was some controlling, freaky beech a few years back, but not anymore.
Now I'm getting a taste of my own medicine.
But a whole lot sweeter.
I think I've been annoying Alvin a lot lately.
The poor guy has so many responsibilities on his shoulder he barely has time to rest.
I feel bad :D
It's great to be home and all but I'm starting to miss Uni a lot.
It's like I've got nothing to look forward to now.
No lectures, no exams, no assignments...
That kind of actually sucks.
I know, I know. I should be thankful and all that BUT trust me, when you've got 4 months of complete freedom, you'd feel as aimless as I am now.
Can't wait till I get a job!
Seriously! I've been overspending these past few months I felt so guilty after looking at my bank statements and account balance.
No wonder my mom said I was high maintenance.
LOL.
I NEED A BAD ASS BOYFRIEND WITH A LIP PIERCING.
Seriously.
I need someone whom my mom would disapprove over and over again no matter how nice he is to her.
:D
Honest! No matter how punk or how emo he is...
Shoot.
I'm starting to sound like some brainless teenager.
Must be the cold and PMS.
AH well.
I should sleep :O
GOOD NIGHT WORLD.
Sweet dreams.
and God bless!
love,
zoe.
I'm down with the common cold ): and I've lost all my appetite to eat.
Momma's been force feeding me lately, which is funny cause she's the reason behind my everyday appearance at the gym.
and, I just found out how selfish I used to be back when I was with my exes.
Yesh, I was some controlling, freaky beech a few years back, but not anymore.
Now I'm getting a taste of my own medicine.
But a whole lot sweeter.
I think I've been annoying Alvin a lot lately.
The poor guy has so many responsibilities on his shoulder he barely has time to rest.
I feel bad :D
It's great to be home and all but I'm starting to miss Uni a lot.
It's like I've got nothing to look forward to now.
No lectures, no exams, no assignments...
That kind of actually sucks.
I know, I know. I should be thankful and all that BUT trust me, when you've got 4 months of complete freedom, you'd feel as aimless as I am now.
Can't wait till I get a job!
Seriously! I've been overspending these past few months I felt so guilty after looking at my bank statements and account balance.
No wonder my mom said I was high maintenance.
LOL.
I NEED A BAD ASS BOYFRIEND WITH A LIP PIERCING.
Seriously.
I need someone whom my mom would disapprove over and over again no matter how nice he is to her.
:D
JUST KIDDING.
I'm happy with Alvin and no bad ass skater dude with a lip piercing can change that :DHonest! No matter how punk or how emo he is...
Shoot.
I'm starting to sound like some brainless teenager.
Must be the cold and PMS.
AH well.
I should sleep :O
GOOD NIGHT WORLD.
Sweet dreams.
and God bless!
love,
zoe.
Wednesday, June 02, 2010
bump.
youthinkyouknowbutyouhavenoidea.
trust me.
i feel like venting all my anger here but i know you'll read it and get the wrong idea.
i miss you.
i want you here.
now.
but i know that it's impossible.
so i shall stop dreaming and hoping. tomorrow.
or maybe the day after.
i truly despise myself right now.
for everything i've done.
and everything i'm about to do.
i want to be more mature.
to be able to make sensible decisions instead of stupid idiotic ones.
i just feel like kicking myself sometimes when i think of the things that i've done.
i know that i'm not supposed to criticize myself cause i am created in God's image and all, but i just can't stand my idiocy sometimes!
honestly.
Lord,
just help me through this. I honestly do not know what to do. I just want to escape from everything but that would just be stupid. I know that no one would be able to save me except for You. Give me strength to admit my wrongs and follow through with my decisions.
Amen.
God bless y'all.
trust me.
i feel like venting all my anger here but i know you'll read it and get the wrong idea.
i miss you.
i want you here.
now.
but i know that it's impossible.
so i shall stop dreaming and hoping. tomorrow.
or maybe the day after.
i truly despise myself right now.
for everything i've done.
and everything i'm about to do.
i want to be more mature.
to be able to make sensible decisions instead of stupid idiotic ones.
i just feel like kicking myself sometimes when i think of the things that i've done.
i know that i'm not supposed to criticize myself cause i am created in God's image and all, but i just can't stand my idiocy sometimes!
honestly.
Lord,
just help me through this. I honestly do not know what to do. I just want to escape from everything but that would just be stupid. I know that no one would be able to save me except for You. Give me strength to admit my wrongs and follow through with my decisions.
Amen.
God bless y'all.