dare to dream.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

exalted.

Lord,

I know I have sinned against you countless of times already. You and I both know what I've done and I am truly sorry. I'm pretty confused about everything right now. My life, my future, EVERYTHING. I need directions, someone to lead me; a person to fill this emptiness in my heart. That someone is YOU, Lord. I need you, more than anything, more than my own life. Lead me and guide me. Help me and draw closer to me as I continue to seek Your face. Forgive me for all my sins, and for continuously sinning against You. I know that it is wrong, which make things even worse. I'm sorry, Lord. I really am.

Amen.

shortcomings.

I'm having those nights again,

Nights where I just lie in bed and THINK about random things (not very good nor are they nice ones) instead of falling asleep, like I'm supposed to.

Tonight's random things mainly revolve around HER.

We've been through thick and thin together. SHE was my best friend until... I will never forget that day, ever. I truly did love her, as a friend. I never knew someone could hurt me so much so that I've got a scar in my heart, which still hurt every single time I mentally touch it. Somehow, I have a feeling that it will never heal, although I would very much like to think otherwise.

I remembered comforting her when she was upset and encouraging her to study and what not. She made me feel so appreciated, like I was her lifeline. It was something I have never felt before. I miss her companionship.

I remembered those times when she got pissed off at me for random things. I used to be so afraid that I might accidentally piss her off. Being her friend was like walking in a place surrounded by broken glass. You'll never know when you would get cut.

I know I'm supposed to put the past in the past but sometimes these thoughts just consume me from the inside out. The worst part is that I don't even know how to deal with it. Life gets pretty depressing and unhealthy too.

Macroeconomics exam has been haunting me for the past couple of days. I studied for it! I truly did! But during the exams, I don't know, my brain just stopped functioning. ARGH. I'm just so upset about it. I really want to get a distinction!

To top it all off, I can't find a place to stay. I NEED a place to stay. Won't someone give me a place I can call a home here, in this small town of Semenyih? :/

I hope y'all are having a better week than I am.

God bless and take care.

love,
Zoe.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

paperweight

Crying does help, a little, but it still doesn't change the fact that you're leaving to...
Heck, I don't even know where you're going YET.
I don't want to talk about it neither do I want to think about it.
But it just keeps coming back.
I know you'll only be gone for a year.
ONE RIDICULOUSLY LONG YEAR.
I hate you for making this so hard for me.
I hate myself even more for being so vulnerable.

Sighs.
I know it's hard for you too.
Still can't believe I made such a big fuss out of it earlier.
I've never cried so hard since...
Yeah.

ON A HAPPIER NOTE,
legal concepts was surprisingly OKAY.
I tembak-ed a lot of questions.
SUBJECTIVE questions okay!
Feeling so proud of myself now :D
*pats head*

Mom left for Kuching earlier this afternoon; gramma's in the hospital; I've got 2 more papers to go; and I'm leaving for home on the 1st of June.
Yeap, my post-exam time table is pretty much packed.
AND I have yet to find a house in TTS!

RAWR.
off for a jog.

i love you, mr candyman.

God bless!

love,
zoe.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

a piece of my mind.

It's hard to focus in math when you've got so many things on your mind.

I know that I am content, but why am I still feeling this way?

I know that I don't mind, but why do I still care?

I need to know that you can be there when I need you but you're not even here.

I'm trying not to let my feelings show and stand up tall but I end up falling instead.

It's not disappointment that I feel but sadness because I let everyone around me down.

I try to console myself with the fact that I managed to get this far even though I had so many circumstances placed before me, but it's not helping, AT ALL.

I don't want to whine and cry about it.

I honestly don't.

The pageant has taught me so much I don't even know where to begin. I've learn to rely on God's supernatural strength to guide me through everything, no matter what the end result may be. I've also learn that it is uncultured for one to use the "F" word as a sentence enhancer. Seriously, use some other word lah. F*** just makes you sound bloody stupid and RUDE. Trust me. I've been hearing it for the past few days and cringe every single time I hear someone say THAT word.

I've also learn how to be content and happy with the things that I've been blessed with, which actually made me really happy (:

ANYWAYS, I'm off to finish my battle with QM.

loves!

Zoe!


boo. my name's zoe lee (: currently studying business economics and finance in NOTTINGham. i'm 21! goin' on the big TWO-TWO :D and i'm from kuching! I think I am pretty normal for a nineteen year old. I fall down a lot, laugh a lot, hide a lot of things from people and all those other things. What about you? Psalm 23 ♥ You can mail me at: zoegal@hotmail.com faith.life.zoe@gmail.com my facebook oh.so.Perez fwishy-chan kryz n cow! euNICE LOVElyn charmzz mable/mushie xia xue kenny sia sammy aw :D Char bonggg gabby Nicole ah yan Tracieeee joo :P Jasmine yann yi/KAKAK (: licia :D kathie <3 Chen Chen timmy voon chickenJoey Jasmine anisSa wafflee jia yingg DIandra ashLEy LEE fausTINE ziannerr Jolina fIOn VANessa sarah!! sammy sii zoe n mel lieezaaa(: lyssa Reening NANA anastasia Yan HUI bryan (: April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 September 2011 January 2012 July 2012 August 2012 September 2012 October 2012 November 2012 December 2012 January 2013 February 2013 March 2013 December 2013 Bituwin - template Dementee - image put ur dingdong in the ayer -Hui Na If you HATE me then God bless you (:	Thursday, May 27, 2010 exalted. Lord, I know I have sinned against you countless of times already. You and I both know what I've done and I am truly sorry. I'm pretty confused about everything right now. My life, my future, EVERYTHING. I need directions, someone to lead me; a person to fill this emptiness in my heart. That someone is YOU, Lord. I need you, more than anything, more than my own life. Lead me and guide me. Help me and draw closer to me as I continue to seek Your face. Forgive me for all my sins, and for continuously sinning against You. I know that it is wrong, which make things even worse. I'm sorry, Lord. I really am. Amen. 1:53 AM · shortcomings. I'm having those nights again, Nights where I just lie in bed and THINK about random things (not very good nor are they nice ones) instead of falling asleep, like I'm supposed to. Tonight's random things mainly revolve around HER. We've been through thick and thin together. SHE was my best friend until... I will never forget that day, ever. I truly did love her, as a friend. I never knew someone could hurt me so much so that I've got a scar in my heart, which still hurt every single time I mentally touch it. Somehow, I have a feeling that it will never heal, although I would very much like to think otherwise. I remembered comforting her when she was upset and encouraging her to study and what not. She made me feel so appreciated, like I was her lifeline. It was something I have never felt before. I miss her companionship. I remembered those times when she got pissed off at me for random things. I used to be so afraid that I might accidentally piss her off. Being her friend was like walking in a place surrounded by broken glass. You'll never know when you would get cut. I know I'm supposed to put the past in the past but sometimes these thoughts just consume me from the inside out. The worst part is that I don't even know how to deal with it. Life gets pretty depressing and unhealthy too. Macroeconomics exam has been haunting me for the past couple of days. I studied for it! I truly did! But during the exams, I don't know, my brain just stopped functioning. ARGH. I'm just so upset about it. I really want to get a distinction! To top it all off, I can't find a place to stay. I NEED a place to stay. Won't someone give me a place I can call a home here, in this small town of Semenyih? :/ I hope y'all are having a better week than I am. God bless and take care. love, Zoe. 1:51 AM · Wednesday, May 19, 2010 paperweight Crying does help, a little, but it still doesn't change the fact that you're leaving to... Heck, I don't even know where you're going YET. I don't want to talk about it neither do I want to think about it. But it just keeps coming back. I know you'll only be gone for a year. ONE RIDICULOUSLY LONG YEAR. I hate you for making this so hard for me. I hate myself even more for being so vulnerable. Sighs. I know it's hard for you too. Still can't believe I made such a big fuss out of it earlier. I've never cried so hard since... Yeah. ON A HAPPIER NOTE, legal concepts was surprisingly OKAY. I tembak-ed a lot of questions. SUBJECTIVE questions okay! Feeling so proud of myself now :D pats head Mom left for Kuching earlier this afternoon; gramma's in the hospital; I've got 2 more papers to go; and I'm leaving for home on the 1st of June. Yeap, my post-exam time table is pretty much packed. AND I have yet to find a house in TTS! RAWR. off for a jog. i love you, mr candyman. God bless! love, zoe. 9:24 PM · Sunday, May 16, 2010 a piece of my mind. It's hard to focus in math when you've got so many things on your mind. I know that I am content, but why am I still feeling this way? I know that I don't mind, but why do I still care? I need to know that you can be there when I need you but you're not even here. I'm trying not to let my feelings show and stand up tall but I end up falling instead. It's not disappointment that I feel but sadness because I let everyone around me down. I try to console myself with the fact that I managed to get this far even though I had so many circumstances placed before me, but it's not helping, AT ALL. I don't want to whine and cry about it. I honestly don't. The pageant has taught me so much I don't even know where to begin. I've learn to rely on God's supernatural strength to guide me through everything, no matter what the end result may be. I've also learn that it is uncultured for one to use the "F" word as a sentence enhancer. Seriously, use some other word lah. F* just makes you sound bloody stupid and RUDE.** Trust me. I've been hearing it for the past few days and cringe every single time I hear someone say THAT word. I've also learn how to be content and happy with the things that I've been blessed with, which actually made me really happy (: ANYWAYS, I'm off to finish my battle with QM. loves! Zoe! 8:17 PM ·